God is in control

Life for me mostly smoothly sails along.... okay, there's a few hiccups and challenges, but overall it's not too bad.... after all my basic needs are met with:

1. fresh clean air
2. fresh clean water available with the turning of a tap
3. food in abundance (too much really :) )
4. a roof over my head (365 days/year)
5. clothes in my cupboard, and money to buy more if I need (or want)

and when I look around, not only are my basic needs met, but also almost all of my wants! And I sincerely thank and praise God for so many blessings!

However events in your life somehow sometimes throw curveballs at you... something challenges your perspective, your perceptions shift and things become clear...

and this is what is happening in my life at the moment.... the pain I have been experiencing (though relatively minor and certainly not on par with leukaemia sufferers or anything like that) has been difficult, debilitating and draining... especially while I have been trying to prepare myself for my mental health prac, complete assignments and regular uni work... and then I had to give up netball on Monday for it.... and that in itself was a real challenge... I mean, I loooovveee!!! netball... and that was the first time in a very long time that I have missed a game... :(

so to get to the point, why has the pain been so difficult? It's not because the pain has been so bad, or so intense or so terrible... no it's been difficult because I am so used to being well, healthy and pain-free.... to a cancer sufferer, my level of pain would be a pipe-dream, to me it brings frustration and agony....

Today when I was looking at my ultrasounds from yesterday and today, I felt momentary fear and tears even came to my eyes when I realised that in all probability something, however minor, could be wrong. The thought that something could threaten my health and wellbeing, had an immediate impact on my emotions, my happiness and my faith.

At the end of the day, this pain has taught me that no matter what I say and confess, somehow somewhere something inside of me puts its trust in me, in my health, in my ability to do things freely and without pain.... and it has pointed me to reaffirm my trust in God, that He knows what is best for me. He holds my life in His hands, He works for my good in all events in my life.

Whatever the doctor tells me on Friday afternoon, I don't have to worry. Whether it be nothing, just muscular pain, then I will be OK. Whether it be the most thing I could possibly ever imagine (which by the way, I strongly doubt it will be), then I will be OK as well. No matter what happens to me, I have two sure promises I can hold on to.

God is sovereign.

and He loves me.

Listen to the youtube link from Newsboys - In Christ Alone .... a song that gives me much comfort and peace.